20

10 years ago i couldn't wait to be twenty

Im here now

But all thats changed is responsibilities

Ive got plenty

I wish life was rent free

We have to pay to live how crazy

At the stage where I can't afford to be lazy

At the age where if im careless with another girl

The consequence is having to look after myself and a baby

Man I wish it was 10 years ago

A couple beyblades and fake tears ago

A few holidays and cheap souvenirs ago

A couple christmases where I tried to steal the uncles beers ago

Back when being the older brother meant more pocket money

And 'your sisters look up to you' was just a figure of speech

Back when being taxed meant your sister was about to snitch about using a swear word

so you had been blackmailed into paying a fee

Around £1 a week

The bloody cheek

Wisdom - Junior Kyle

Open the door, Close the door

I am so confused

LOST. In the friction of life

NO, I have never read a diction-ary in my life

Quite scary

Mary Mary

Quite contrary, isn't it?

But my head is big with wisdom, wisdom, wisdom

Wiiiisssdoommmm, wisdom, wiki wiki wiki wiki... wisdom

Wise words

"Wanted to tell you, accept yourself

You don't have to prove shit to no one except yourself"- Drake

Soul Mates - Lang Leav

I don't know how it is you are so familiar to me
Or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and
more as though I am remembering who you are
How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the
impossible conclusion that I have known you before,
I have loved you before - in another time, a different place -
some other existence.

Current state of mind

I think im where im meant to be
Mentally
A state of mind that understands whats meant for me

Im tryna break out the habit of conventional thinking
Over analysing and over thinking
Just because there's water in the boat doesn't mean its sinking

I used to worry about the future years
Disappointed in myself because I was behind my peers
They had plans and ideas
They had hopes
They had dreams
All my hope had deceased

But you see
Sometimes we struggle to remember
Struggle to remember that the present is just as relevant
And that if we look after today
We can be members of the future celebrants

Let go

The same bigheaded boy is no longer a kid
In a sense
He's lost his inner sense
And his innocence

He was so hell bent on holding a grudge with the guy
that helped his mother in creating him
He couldn't refer to him as his father because deep
in his heart he thought he hated him

Then it came to me
I knew I had to drop my pride
There were some things I had to get off my chest
Things that I could no longer hide

I already knew I was a disappointment in his eyes
To him I was just a boat with no hope that
had already capsized

Or so I thought

I finally got the balls to tell him that I changed my course
at University
That I was depressed and it just weren't for me
I expected all hell to break loose
But he just smiled and said
'Do what makes you happy cos no one can do you like you do'
He also said he loved me, it caught me off guard so all I said
was yeah you too

At that moment i felt all the negative energy and hatred release
It was true relief
My heart was no longer heavy and my mind was at peace

So I Will

I see now that making it in football is a near impossible dream for some
But how can you tell your child at the age of 8 or 9
That following your dream is a waste of time
Whilst other dads were giving different advice to mates of mine?

I was jealous of my boys who got along with their dads
All i could think was 'lucky them'
Me and my dad aren't even fucking friends
The only time i really played football was on a sunday
And it just happened to be the one day
that dad couldn't go and see his son play... church

Look at me, so ungrateful
Whining over the littlest shit
But you need to understand that even the tiniest flame can burn the biggest bridge
That flame being that every time I looked over to the side of the pitch
dad was never there supporting his kid
That flame being that even though I came home with 11 GCSEs
he complained and said why do I see Bs and Cs
I swear this guy was never pleased

I mean it was a typical parent thing to say
Course you want the best for your child
But instead of making them feel like a failure
Why not meet them halfway
Commend them on their achievement
but let them know they are capable of better

I saw a quote somewhere that said
'God helps those who help themselves'
So i will